I know you're joking, but when I lived in California within spitting distance of like 5 top tech companies in the world, the internet was nonetheless worse than back in Lithuania.
edit: in fact now that I remember it, in Lithuania I had fiber to the premises since 2010 if not earlier, whine in California in 2017, I had internet via formerly-TV coax lol. I still have the modem for the coax in my tech junk closet (I bought the modem myself used because that was cheaper than using provider's equipment).
My area just got fiber available.
But I'm under contract to Comcast for a few more months. Still get over 500 Mbps down.
You don't even need that kind of speed to post on forums or even watch streaming videos.