A thread about parenting

[phoenix_rizzen]

I've heard, that after a while, you hear Paw Patrol in your dreams.

It's been many years since our kids last watched Dora, but every single time someone asks, "Where are we going?" I have to sing it and the reply back, with the clapping. It's beyond Pavlovian at this point.

(Although, I do try to find ways to get The Wiggles on TV anytime the <5 nieces are over.)

 

[phoenix_rizzen]

My house is a disaster. Is disposing of half the toys and other stuff here reasonable? How do I build a routine for the kids to clean up?

When our kids were little (under 7-ish) we made it a weekend chore to clean their room. And a pre-bedtime routing to clean the living room.

As they entered school, we made cleaning their room one of their weekly chores. And we have a "no TV, no Internet, no devices until chores are done" rule after school. The first few months it took them hours to get 3 chores done after school and they'd whine non-stop about it. Now they power through in under an hour.

We also have limits on screen time, and they have to do extra chores to earn more time.

Our house is still a disaster, but at least the floors are always swept/vacuumed and the dishes are put away. They're also really good at the "oh crap, guests will be here in 20 minutes" panic cleaning.

 

[phoenix_rizzen]

We are helped by the fact that almost all of his "toys," these days, are small pieces of cardboard.

Ugh, our youngest (10) is a cardboard hoarder. Any boxes disappear from the recycling and reappear as signs, models, masks, and other crafts. It's great that she's so creative, but there's cardboard dust and shavings everywhere! Don't want to curb that creativity, but she needs to work on keeping her craft area clean.

 

[phoenix_rizzen]

Our first required an induced birth due to a loss of amniotic fluid. Apparently your "water can break" without labour pains, and without a gush of liquid everywhere. Who knew? The first nurse on duty didn't believe my wife when she was saying the nitrous canister was empty as it wasn't helping with the pain ("Just breathe deeper"). 6-ish hours later when the new nurse came on shift, the first thing she checked was the nitrous canister, realised it was empty, got a new one, and made the wife feel sooooooooo much better. The epidural at hour 16 also helped, as she was able to get a couple hours sleep before the actual delivery process started.

Our second (and last) was also induced, but that birth happened so fast that she was delivered before the anesthesiologist could arrive to administer the epidural. Yikes! She also came out purple, not making any noise, and required resuscitation. That was the longest 3 minutes of my entire life!!!! What a relief to finally hear that little cry and see her skin pink up.

We also had extensive plans for both births, with the midwife onboard, soundtracks, exercises, etc. Both births were 3 weeks early, unplanned, unscheduled, with nothing going according to plan. Nature vs man always leans toward nature.

Good luck! Here's hoping for an "easy" birth. Hopefully your new hand arrives soon! (And the baby too.)

 

[phoenix_rizzen]

Be sure to read the direction on the antiperspirant. Many folks miss the "apply the night before" part, as most antiperspirants take 4-8 hours to take effect. Applying it at bedtime works better than applying it before breakfast.

 

[phoenix_rizzen]

We feel your pain. Here's hoping for a quick recovery for all.

We had our niece and nephew (both under 7) over for the weekend. The little one started coughing and wiping her nose on everything the second night, and the older one started sneezing on everything. Needless to say, we spent a solid hour sanitizing and washing everything after they left. But, the wife can feel something coming in her sinuses, and our oldest was complaining about a sore throat last night.

Damn, little kids are amazingly efficient germ factories!

 

[phoenix_rizzen]

For our oldest, there were issues with her latching. Breast feeding just wouldn't happen no matter what we tried. As soon as the wife started pumping and building up a bit of a stockpile, then I took over nights. Watched a lot of Star Trek, Torchwood, and other sci-fi shows while doing the overnight feedings. Seemed only fair, since she was home with the kid all day that I would take care of her all night (although it did lead to some groggy workdays).

Regardless of the system, having only one parent awake at a time really helps.

 

[phoenix_rizzen]

Nothing asshole-ish about that, since they didn't run it past you ahead of time to make sure you'd both be on the same page when mentioning it to the offspring. If there's no discussion ahead of time, then there will be discussion in front of the kids which may backfire.

We do something similar. If one of us comes up with a rule and explains it to the kids without input from the other, then that parent is in charge of enforcing the rule going forward. If it's something that we should both be monitoring/enforcing, then we better discuss it ahead of time to make sure we're both up-to-date with everything relating to the issue. Otherwise it turns into a mess of "Mom does it this way; Dad does it that way; let's just play them off each other".

 

[phoenix_rizzen]

My girls are enrolled in two weeks of day camp (9am-4pm) this summer through Girl Scouts for about $300 a week. The sleepway camps are more like $1000/week. We may try sending them to overnight camp next year.

We found 3 different science camps that our oldest is now old enough to attend. 1 is free, 1 is mostly free (just pay for travel), and 1 is $350 CAD but they have grants for the camp or the travel. So far, we've only heard back from one. We're hoping to hear back from at least one more.

I went to camp every summer from the age of 8 to 16, then returned as a counsellor until I was 21. Greatest experience of my life. Can't get either girl to even consider trying the same thing. The science camp this year is a "you're going" situation.

 

[phoenix_rizzen]

Eldest turned 14 on 7/3. He asked for earbuds. Asked my brother (who is an audio guy) for some recommendations and he suggested some 150$ pair. We decided to buy him a 50$ pair. They came with a charging case. He spent the long weekend with us and then went to camp on 7/7. He lost said charging case.

Thankfully he got a bunch of money / amazon cards for birthday and MS graduation so he will be buying himself a new case.

So far, neither kid has lost the charging case for their wireless earbuds. They are both on their second pair, though. Ran the first pair into the ground over the course of ... 3 years? Maybe 4?

Recently, the eldest somehow managed to de-sync the two earbuds into separate BT devices (meaning they can connect either the right or the left bud to the phone, but not both at the same time). And following the directions from the manufacturer to re-sync them into a single BT device doesn't work. We'll probably be replacing these soon-ish.

Thankfully, these earbuds support Tile, as the youngest tends to misplace one of them on a weekly basis. It's too bad the charging case itself doesn't support Tile.

 

[phoenix_rizzen]

Am I the only one that has just used an electric shaver (braun) for my whole adult life? All the other stuff sounds like such a hassle and I already don't like shaving in the first place.

I used to do the whole lather and shave and lotion and aftershave and and and business. But that takes too long. The past 10ish years it's just an electric shaver every 3rd day with a quick pass over with the generic 3-5 blade razor (whatever was on sale that month) to smooth things over.

Never had a dad or father figure to teach me things like direction of stroke or cut with/against the grain of anything like that. So probably did things "wrong" for a few years.

 

[phoenix_rizzen]

We waited until 9 to do the Marvel timeline - the only thing he had trouble with was the robot/animal experiments when we got to GG3. I could see some kids being ready at 8, while others not being ready until 12 - really depends on the kid.

Deadpool is still off limits.

Out 10-year old absolutely LOVES all the Deadpool movies. Especially Once Upon a Deadpool, with Deadpool & Wolverine a very close second. I think we've watched them all at least twice now. They tend to look at their phone during the overly bloody scenes, but otherwise have a lot of fun with the movies. I think we both end up with bruised ribs from laughing so much. They really see these more as comedy movies than action movies.

They also really like the Spiderverse animated movies. And were completely bored with the handful of MCU movies we watched together, to the point they won't even pretend to be interested in watching any of the latest ones.

Every kid is different.

 

[phoenix_rizzen]

Two moments that occurred within an hour of each other with my only-just-two-years-old child.

1) Me, after preparing dinner for the family (we switched to doing dinner together a few weeks ago and it's been mostly successful so far): "Little Miss Cognac, come help me set the table please" - a task she has been helping with for a while and is more than capable of understand and completing* (with supervision).

Little Miss Cognac, playing in the lounge room with Mama but I'm the midst of packing away: "TWO MINUTES PAPA, TWO MINUTES"

Me:

2) Sitting at the dinner table I "forget" that I have a large piece of spinach sticking out of my mouth. Little Miss Cognac, turning to Mama, completely deadpan: "Funny Papa", returns to trying to spear her food with her fork.

She's 2, people, 2. I thought there was supposed to be a good few years left before we started getting this level of sass...

There's a reason it's called the Terrible Twos and being a Threenager. You're in for a wild ride ...

 

[phoenix_rizzen]

You're never too old for a play date.

 

[phoenix_rizzen]

my kids are now 14 and 11. Neither one has a bank account. Every gift event their great grandmother (Wife's grandmother) writes them a check made out to them. We have asked her to just write the checks out to us if she insists on doing checks but still get the checks made out to the kids 2-3 times a year.

Thankfully my bank doesn't seem to care about depositing them.

My kids are currently 10 and 14. They've had bank accounts of one form or another for over 5 years now.

Started out with some virtual bank geared toward children where the parents open an account then create sub-accounts for each kid. Then you can setup scheduled transfers for allowance, and create "chore lists" where they can earn extra money. They each had a bank card they could use and a phone app they could check balances/transactions. Worked well, but was a pain to transfer money into from our regular bank.

Once we moved, we set them up with accounts at the local credit union. Similar setup, with the parents having a master account, and sub-accounts for each child (both chequing for daily use and savings that's not linked to the debit card). Scheduled transfer happen each week for their allowance. And we make them put 10-15% of any extra money they receive (gifts, work, etc) into their savings. When their savings gets above $500 then we roll it into a 1-year GIC since the actual interest on a savings account is virtually 0.

They do their own deposits into the bank. They do their own budgeting/saving for things they want to buy. They do their own shopping for Christmas/birthday presents (we do help with that if there's something they want to get that's more than they've saved). And they pay for all their own slushes, ice cream, movie tickets (for shows they want to go to without us; shows we take them to we pay for), etc.

The youngest was very much a saver, considering herself to be "broke" if the chequing account dropped below $100, while the oldest was very much as spender, rarely having more than $10 at any time. Lately, the oldest is getting to be better at saving up for things and looking beyond what she can buy today. The youngest still sets up their iced tea stand outside our house every other weekend or so, selling drinks and bracelets, rings, and necklaces they've crafted.

Many of their friends at school don't have bank accounts, though, which seems weird to me.

I had my first bank account before I was 6. Managed to save enough money to spend my 7th birthday on a cruise ship coming home from Disneyland (yes, my mom paid for most of it, but I still contributed $400 which was a lot back in the early 80s).

 

[phoenix_rizzen]

So, my son was skipped a grade last year because he was very advanced for kindergarten. At the time we got assurances from the previous principle that he will have a very experienced teacher for 2nd grade to help him adjust, and that a very experienced substitute (28 year teaching vet) will take over when his primary teacher goes on maternity.

Flash forward to this year - he got a substitute who started teaching 2 years ago. She doesn't explain how to do math problems or language stuff. She would write things on the blackboard and as soon as someone shouted out the answer, she would erase it so he doesn't have a chance to absorb what happened.

Wife is totally pissed at the school now. We didn't get notified that the 28 year substitute took a different job and wasn't available. We didn't know about the long term substitute until she was already in place. Current principle doesn't seem to know what's going on.

Now wife is applying to private schools for both kids which will suck because my son's best friend is at current school, and also we will have to pay for 2 kids instead of free public schools.

Is there only the 1 class per grade at that school? No chance to switch to another grade 2 class? Or even a split grade 1/2 or 2/3 class?

We've fought with the school a few times with our youngest, to make sure they're put into either a single-grade class, or to be the lower grade in a split-grade class. That way, they get the better balance of grade-level + higher learning. They were put into the higher grade of a split class once and it was horrible. A lot of repetition of things they learned the previous year.

All the elementary schools in our district (with the exception of some of the really rural schools) have multiple classes for each grade. So if there's an issue with one class, you can request a change to another.

 

[phoenix_rizzen]

In unrelated news, someone stole our stroller. We haven't really needed it in recent times except for particularly tired days, but really? Who steals a stroller?

We had a stroller stolen from our car port years ago. Caught the whole thing on video but couldn't see anything usable on it.

 

[phoenix_rizzen]

Simplified cribbage is good for counting to 31 and adding numbers to equal 15. I started as a youngling where we only scored pairs and 15s in the hands to keep it simple.

Go Fish and Crazy Eights/Uno is good for identifying numbers.

Dice games are good for counting.

 

[phoenix_rizzen]

Anyone have experience with an adenoidectomy? One of my kids is constantly congested, and the ENT recommended it. Wanted to see if others here had experience to share.

Our niece had hers removed when she was ~7 (maybe younger?) due to issues with snoring and breathing. She used to sound like someone revving a chainsaw while riding a Harley. Could hear her two rooms away. Was absolutely gnarly to listen to. No issues with the operation and cleared things right up for her.

Oddly enough, they grew back in her adult years, without causing the same snoring/breathing issues.

 

[phoenix_rizzen]

The 7 year old took a friend's phone and call 911 with it and the cops came.

There goes his chances of getting a phone before he graduates high school.

Reminds me of when our oldest, around 5ish at the time, picked up the phone at Grandma's and called 911. Just said hello and started a conversation for no reason. I took the phone from her and explained that she was just a kid dialing random numbers and spent a good 5-minutes reassuring them everything was fine. They called back 10 or so minutes later to double-check everything was fine.

 

[phoenix_rizzen]

He's losing out on method points in the test. Like he will get the answer, but if he'd done the homework he'd have known the full process that's expected of him and got full marks. There's a stark contrast between his grades in subjects that just want an answer any which way, and ones where the process is the answer.

It's one of the ways his 'tism shows, I think. He's mainstream with a learning plan, but he passes well enough that I think they sometimes forget about his 'tism when they deal with these things.

Urgh! I hated having to write down all 17 steps required to get to the answer when I only needed 3-4 steps, regardless if it was math, science, socials, etc. And writing down just those 3-4 steps always ended up with partial marks. Had quite a few arguments with teachers about it. The questions just said "show your work" which is what I did, not "show the exact sequence of steps that I expect to see here". Had to have several parent-teacher meetings each year to get the point across that I understood the material, that I understood the concepts, but that I had better methods (for me) to reach the answer. The compromise was that I would do at least 1 assignment in each unit showing the full "this is the exact sequence I want you to use" method, before switching to my shortcuts.

Was a struggle for a year or two, but we all came to an understanding that worked. Granted, this was 30-odd years ago, so may not be applicable today.

 

[phoenix_rizzen]

I mean, they are using it with your kids right? When you say they just show up, I envision them just raiding your back yard and using your trampoline. That's some chase off with a broom stuff right there...

This is why we haven't put our trampoline together yet, even though we've lived here for 5 years. We don't have a fence around the front yard and that's the only place with enough room for it. I can just see the neighbourhood kids using it at midnight and breaking an arm.

 

[phoenix_rizzen]

Mine are turning 15 and 12 this year. It just goes so fast.

My younger cousins that I remember holding when they were just born are now in college.

Hey so are our kids. We've started pointing out road signs and querying rules-of-the-road with the 15-next-month kid to prepare them for their driving test next year. Crazy part is their Sweet-16 year is also my big 5-0.

Facebook keeps popping up "Remember this from 12+ years ago?" posts and we're looking at them going, "Yeah, I remember that being a year or two ago! How was that 12?!?!"